


already gone

by laurelsalexis



Series: bodyguard prompts [1]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode: s01e03 Episode Three, soft yet sad babes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15899235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelsalexis/pseuds/laurelsalexis
Summary: David is not supposed to be there.





	already gone

**Author's Note:**

> I reblogged one of those number/ship posts on a whim & this is what came from the number someone sent in. 
> 
> #5. I'm not crying
> 
> Spoilers if you haven't seen episode three.

David is not supposed to be there.

His bosses ask too many questions and he does not have enough answers. They want to know more, always more, and the safest place he can be is away from her. Of course, it is also the last place he wishes to be.  _Away_. While she lies there in the bed, recovering from her injuries, giving them all a scare that she was going to die.

It’s a different type of fear. One that is different from being out in Afghanistan. He’s no stranger to death. Lost plenty of mates over the years. Andy the latest casualty, gone right before him, something he can close his eyes and see.

Julia is different.

He is doing his best to seem like he is only her bodyguard. It is all he can be. Otherwise someone will piece things together and they will both be worse off for it. If that is even possible. His injuries are minor. Nothing more than a few bumps and bruises that heal with each passing day. 

Hers are quite the opposite. A surgery to keep her alive and days where none of them knew whether or not she was going to survive. She does, something he hears from his superiors rather than her, or anyone close to her. He watches the news too often, as he sits at his desk, pretending to actually get any work done.

She is awake as he keeps his eyes on her, staring out at the empty wall.

He lingers in the doorway, after hours, the only other there is the guard outside of her room. The nurse is a friend of Vicky’s, the only reason he is not being told to leave. He wants to be there, hates the way it makes him feel, the pull that should not be there. It should be nothing more than a professional relationship and yet, there is nothing professional about their happier moments that run through his head.

Ones that started on the edge of another tragedy but did not remain that way.

Seems he is hardly the best of luck. 

Still, he walks in, slowly, hands in the pockets of his jacket, as if he is waiting for her to tell him to piss off. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” She replies, softly, trying to sit up in the bed, faces of displeasure made, before she resigns herself to the position that is the easiest. 

David looks her over for a moment. His head turns to the door to make sure no one can see, before he reaches out and places his hand on hers. He doesn’t say anything, just softly grips at her, feeling her hand squeeze around his fingers, letting out a breath that is filled with anxiety from the moment he walked into the room moments prior. 

There aren’t really words to say.  _I’m sorry_  doesn’t cut it. They don’t have any answers at the moment. He isn’t there often as it is. He is physically in better shape than the Home Secretary but he can admit, that mentally, he is not doing well. Worse than before in most ways. As stubborn as ever. It seems no matter who tells him he needs help he doesn’t listen and he feels as if he pays for it within every second moving forward.

He barely holds it together.

He does though, just so he can look at her with a clear gaze, even though it is one that holds a sadness over his entire face. His one job is to protect her and he failed. He’s been reamed for it every which way. From people who thought he should have done a better job to his own mind wondering if he should have done even the slightest thing differently. 

It never should have happened.

“Sit.” Julia tells him, gesturing to the chair on the side of her bed, after the silence lingers too long. 

He doesn’t let go of her hand as he brings the chair a little closer. Hospital is stuffy and not a place he enjoys being. He has too many memories of being within on his own, though ones far worse than this, and when both the kids were born, when Ella broke her arm. Memories mixed with bad and good.

This one will be sit with the bad. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The words are nothing more than a mere whisper as he strokes his thumb along her hand, swallowing back the emotion threatening to spill over.

“David,” she whispers, shifting so she can sit up a little more, through gritted teeth, “You didn’t do this.”

“I’m supposed to protect you.”

“No one infallible.” She says as it is. Nothing more. Nothing less. “I’m still alive.”

There is a nod. It’s important. That she is alive. So is he. Others are not. He doesn't speak of that, though, just allows himself to sit there. It’s not fair to be within the pity party he is so he lets it go. Just sits, watches her. She’s mostly covered underneath the blankets of the bed with some cuts and bruising along her head. Worse than his own.

“You’re staring.”

“I’m admiring.” He barely smiles, just the slightly pull of his lip.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

David almost wants to open his mouth and tell her everything. He doesn’t,  _can’t,_  has no idea where to start. He’s fallen too deep and knows this will only end up bad. Even worse. Likely she will hate him and he cannot blame her if that is the case. It’s just bad timing.

“There’s a new guard.” He settles on telling her instead. “Temporary, but I’ll see what my bosses say.”

The tone shifts back to how serious it usually is. There are no soft moments stolen. Ones that seem as if they were nothing more than figments of his imagination as he sits there, holding onto her hand, the one piece that tells him how real it all is.

“It’s for the best.”

Emotions hit him like a brick and he nods. “I know.” He pauses for a moment. “I should go.” He stands up breaking their hands, but not actually moving from where he is standing. He is not exactly ready to leave her. Not yet.

“This is going to keep happening until they kill me, isn’t it?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead he places a kiss on her forehead. “You’ll survive this.”

Her hand reaches up to grab at his wrist, holding on with a weakened grip.

The moment is too short. Feels as if he just stepped into the room only to make an exit. It’s not exactly a private moment and each moment that he lingers is a risk that someone will see something they shouldn’t.

“I can’t come see you.” He manages to get out. “Not more than this.”

“I know.” She nods, closing her eyes as her head rests against the pillow. She lets go of his hand, allowing for it to fall next to her on the bed. “Don’t cry for me.”

“I’m not crying.” He deadpans as he looks down at her. The need to reach out to her is there, but he doesn’t. Instead he just watches her for a moment. He’s positive he isn’t supposed to like her as much as he does.

“I may begin to think you care ore than you let on.”

“Ma’am.” He non-answers, which is an answer all in itself.

“Goodnight, David.” She whispers, softly, looking at him for just a brief moment.

David walks to the door and gives her a last glance before he goes to figure out what exactly happened during that speech.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr.](http://laurelsalexis.tumblr.com/)


End file.
